Lots of requests lately to give my perspective on this journey of a lifetime! from the p.o.v. of the caregiver. I have received persistent inquiries from the press here in Goa, too. After much thought I turned down the opportunities for the limelight at this time. I’m just too raw and exhausted and it’s too intimate an experience to share while one is living it. I know, I know. I write a blog and there’s a lot of personal stuff we’ve already shared here. So what’s the big deal if a reporter wants to ask a few questions?
First off, I’m a bundle of nerves and my emotions are just below the surface waiting to bubble over. As a caregiver, I want to be able to have a safe and private place to retreat to in order to take care of myself and release my feelings privately. Being in a foreign country away from my family and friends means I am isolated and prone to blabbing too much to anyone who will listen. I’d hardly remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday if it weren’t for the fact that I eat the same damn thing every single day (porridge with apricots, fresh pineapple slices, fresh OJ, two skim milk lattes and some crispy bacon twice a week if I didn’t have dinner the night before).
So I don’t trust myself to talk with a professional about things I haven’t even been able to express to my family and friends yet. Secondly, I have nothing that I am selling right now. The book I intend to write about my experience throughout this trip (and that I am already dreaming the chapters of) will practically write itself when I’m ready. I don’t want to diffuse the energy of that project by giving my story to another writer. Why should I? Scott is taking the journey. I am merely a witness and lover helping to support his creativity, well being, and look after his best interests. He is inspiring me along with others to rethink how we live our lives, right up until the end. It’s not all roses even though he encourages all of you to stop and smell as many as you can find each day. But for now, looking at life through rose-colored glasses is preferable to having to think about the reality of our situation. That’s how I get through the day. One day at a time.
Scott at the Taj Majal in November 2012. It was a memorable day to be in love.