Things have been happening without you, Lovey. Not sure how it does but life still goes on without you. Has it really been six months without your humorous commentary, your heart-to-heart bear hugs, your bossy tantrums and playful reconciliations? You would be thrilled to know your sweet nephew Brandon popped the question to Natalie and she said “YES!”, your young cousin Max is on top of his game winning at professional poker (are you cheering him on?), and all of your buddies are gearing up for yet another High Point furniture market week.

Despite your absence the sun comes up every day. Last night around midnight I went outside to look up at the stars like you and I used to do–and guess what? They’re still there, shining brighter than ever. Perhaps because you are showing them the way.

Our two dogger babies are back to normal now, trusting that they won’t be left behind again. The three of us are carving a new life together, finding a new way of being a pack. We dedicate at least one woo-woo concert per day to you. Loolie & Hershey still respond when I say, “Where’s Dad?”.

It has helped us to establish a daily routine that we stick to. Staying in one place in familiar surroundings for a good chunk of time in the same bed has done us all good, too. The symptoms of PTSD have lessened but not disappeared completely; yoga & meditation is guiding me back to center; lengthy walks each day have reversed a year of wearing flip-flops.

You’ll be happy to know that my own circle of friends has widened to include many of your friends & family  in continuing to reach out to me warmly. For these good people I am beyond grateful. Building on existing relationships and creating new friendships is a blessing. Like you, I’m a people-who-needs-people kind of person. You always told me that your collection of friends was your most valuable treasure. You were not wrong and you chose your friends well.

It took me awhile to relax into being part of a couple, half of one heart.  So don’t be surprised if it now takes me awhile to adjust to being an independent woman again. My first birthday without you is coming up. I cherish the memory of my 50th in China with you, my 55th in Goa  by your side last year.

You will always be with me , never far from my mind. Send me some butterflies.
***Abu Dhabi, forever, Lobby Boy. ***

butterflies © scott morgan