“This is it!”, my lover said to me as I came into the room. “Sit with me. This is it!”
I sat with Scott and held his hand. Sanjiv sat on the other side of the bed. Scott had felt something inside his belly shift. That day was different than other days. The pain felt different, he said. The countdown had begun. We spent 8 hours holding hands that Monday. Talking. Laughing. Silently being together. More in love than ever. In the bigger love. The universal love.
There was no rushing. There was time to share with me. There was time to laugh with Sanjiv one more day. After several minutes of togetherness in silence he said “Happiness”. Just happiness. A mantra worthy of repeating. We spoke of so many things yet “happiness” is mostly what I remember. He told me he was glad that I was with him. He told me he was not afraid. He held my hand tightly and beamed at me with those baby blues. It physically hurt him to do so but he did so anyway. I would not let go.
Scott did not die that day. And not that night. He seemed surprised. Crying wolf one more time. Scott never lost his mind, his essence, his lucidity until a few hours before he chose to go galaxy-hopping. On a Wednesday morning. On a sunny day. In a beautiful place. In an exotic land. With a woman he loved who loved him back.
Happiness. Just happiness. THIS is it.