There’s something about having a new pope that makes me want to confess (and I’m not even Catholic!). Here it is: “caregiver’s guilt” is tripping me out…I feel partly responsible for Scott’s shock and awe yesterday looking in the mirror. Although I was not with him this time, I witnessed the look on his face back in January when he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror then while we were living at Sur La Mer. That horrified expression is etched on my brain forever. I was determined from that moment on to never let my handsome lover catch that look on MY face, no matter how bad it’s gonna get.
I have tried consciously to gaze on my beloved’s face with compassion so that what he sees reflected in my eyes is not frailty and the ravages of this f#cking disease but instead, his true essence: strength, courage, beauty, and love. It’s two and a half months later (and Ganeshe only knows how many pounds lighter) and I think I accomplished my mission very well. So well, in fact that until yesterday he was blissfully unaware of just how different his physical appearance had become. Yes, he resembles a saddhu now more than ever and like those holy naked wanderers he has acquired an incredible lightness of being. I’m now glad he knows what this disease has done to his body. Because already he is facing his fear and transforming the sickness into something very authentic and beautiful: Scott is making art by digitally manipulating images of himself in his altered state. FEAR NO ART!
We’d like to take a moment to thank our readers for giving us 500 “Likes” so far! WordPress just notified us of this achievement today. When we started this blog at the beginning of our journey back in November we never expected it to become bigger than our immediate circle of family and friends. Today after less than half a year our blog is close to 1400 regular followers and who knows how many once-in-a-whiles. Scott’s journey has captured the imagination and hearts of artists, friends, and strangers. Thank you for giving us both your steadfast attention and your wonderful encouragement. We like what we see reflected in your eyes.