independence daze

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(c) scott morgan 2013

Hey! Where’s the red, white, ‘n’ blue? The buildings draped in patriotic stars ‘n’ stripe bunting? The smell of apple pie and taste of lemonade sold at roadside stands by kids capturing foot traffic from the parade route? Where are all the folks we meet n greet n wish a happy summer n catch up with on their winters and it’s always the same, reassuring, comforting scene? The Fourth of July memories are there…in my heart, chakras wide open…with my other treasures.

One year Scott took me out into the harbor in a kayak so we could see the fireworks better. They launch them from a small island right offshore a few yards. He had some herbal relaxant with him when the coast guard boat pulled alongside us, nearly capsizing us in the dark. The Coast Guard luckily only chastised us for not having lights on our kayak. Scott whipped out some sparklers…we received only a warning from the harbormaster.

Another time, the year Scott was on chemo all summer, Scott’s father and his wife drove cross country from Cali and ended up with us for Independence Day. We all went to the Deer Isle parade and since Dad was staying at the Pilgrim’s Inn we had a prime viewing spot. Two nights later we celebrated Dad’s birthday and even had a special sugar-free bread pudding made for the occasion. This birthday we will be sending you heart hugs from Goa, Dad. Heart hugs, love, and kisses, too.

Most July 4ths we have had to search for Hershey under beds, in crawl spaces, behind couches. He hates the fireworks as much or more than he loathes thunderstorms. Loolie loves going with us to see them and will stick her nose out the window to get a closer look! Even if it means stepping on poor Hershey’s shivering back to do so.

Another time, Scott’s AIS High School reunion was taking place in Washington, DC. He was gone for July 4th that year and that meant not only the holiday but 3 Fridays without him. But he had prearranged wildflowers to be delivered to me at my market stall at the Stonington Farmers Market by another vendor, our friend Iana of Sweetgrass Studio. Scott had her bring me flowers not just the one Friday….all 3 Fridays, creating an indelible impression on my heart.

Gazing on Scott now as he rests peacefully under 3 blankets after a bodycare treatment and full bedding switchout by two nurses ( I’m always amazed they can do it while he is still in the bed!), I ponder how different this Independence Day is from others we have shared as lovers and best friends. Scott has always generated his own fireworks and fun and I have benefited from close proximity. Never a dull moment, always something crazyfun to look forward to. What will we do without this wild untamed heart of a man? What will comfort a mother and father, a sister and brother? How will I find the fun again? Who will remind his many friends and colleagues to take time out to stop to smell the roses? These are the chaotic thoughts exploding through my mind like Roman candles across an inky sky, the confetti lights sprinkling down around me in the dark where I hide with Hershey under a bed.

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13 thoughts on “independence daze

  1. Katy, you blow my mind! You say in such an articulate way all the important things. You bring together the cherished past, the bewildering present and the amorphous future. Kudos! I wish you continued strength and the knowledge that it’s all right to fall apart from time to time. I wish I had known you all these years.

    Nancy Frehing

    Sent from my iPhone

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  2. Dearest Katy

    We all live our miracles, floating in a crazy whirl so fast we sometimes forget to breathe. You are living in 2 miracles.
    You are trudging up a steep mountain carrying water to a mystic.
    Carrying, wondering, breathing.
    You have grown another way of being in this trek.
    A way that slows down the whirling and moves from one set of eyes to another, seeing and feeling through another’s eyes and still your own.
    So much seeing. So much feeling.
    You are full yet there is room for all of it.
    Nothing to be done but exactly what you do, as you raise your gentle fingers to the lips of your beloved and then to your own face, breathing in gratitude for your lives.
    You will return to your home and loving community and be licked by dogs, be held for as long as you need to be held, quietly with love, until you want to sing and dance again in celebration.
    I look forward to holding you my sweet friend.
    iana

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  3. Somehow I temporarily missed this one.
    Loved the beautiful response from Nancy
    and so nice to envision how you will be loved, nurtured and cared for from iana’s outpouring of her heart. Sounds like a beautiful community to return to.

    And Katy … Your words are as eloquently beautiful as Scott paintings.

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