time for some deja vu


Sitting on a bench at the water’s edge just before sunset tonight on St.Paddy’s Day, Santa Monica cruises by. Not the sun kissed California city Scott resided in for years while I was living nearby in Venice Beach, the two of us living in parallel universes that wouldn’t find a sweet intersection until he left that fair city behind.No, this Santa Monica is one of the many Goan party boats that ply the river loaded with drunken revellers who want to catch the sun going down while listening to extremely loud, throbbing, bass-driven dance music. Their turn around point is just outside our Marriott suite and we could set our watches to these party boats ( if either of us was still in the habit of wearing a watch).

Time floats in and out of my consciousness here. It must feel that way for you,too, darling? Time accelerated, squeezed and concentrated has left its mark on you visibly as you witnessed in the mirror a few days ago. I’m finding time infinitely elastic here. One moment I am by your bedside witnessing what seems to be your last night…a few hours later you are out of bed, back in your Marriott chariot, painting masterpieces in the lobby. The doctors said you had a timeline of 2-4 months but you are in your fifth month and you, my hero, are kicking ass!Time is doing more backflips and somersaults in Goa than Cirque du Soliel.

It is the eve of my 55th birthday. I time traveled today, as I always do on March 17, to the eve of my 10th birthday. I was pretty excited that day because I’d been promised a ten speed bicycle and it was likely my father would be bringing it home that night so it would be the first thing I saw when I woke up the next morning. That bike was all I could think about for weeks. My dad didn’t make it home that night. It would be three months– after suffering a massive coronary attack, a 3 and a half minute heart cessation, and an 11 day coma– before the hospital would release him back to us with doctors predicting that Dad would be lucky to live 5 more years and oh by the way will probably be a vegetable with massive memory loss. My birthday was eclipsed by that event and the ten speed never purchased.

Today it occurred to me that while I was experiencing my first brush with a life-changing illness, Scott must have been living in India for the first time . That was a life changing event, too. Both of these occurrences influenced and shaped us in profound ways. It is why we are both in Goa today. My father was 48 on that St. Paddy’s day. He would prove the doctors wrong and live to be just shy of his 82nd birthday, his mind as sharp as a tack. That was twelve years ago, before I met Scott, when I left Venice Beach to spend six months helping my mother at hospice take care of my favorite feng shui client.

People are writing me and Scott or posting on the blog saying wonderful things about me. How amazing I am, for example. That’s lifting my spirits and I do appreciate it but some are getting a tad carried away. For example, I’ve even seen it said “Katy is a saint!”. No. Santa Monica and St. Patrick are saints. I’m no saint. I’m not even an angel. Trust me on this. I’m just a woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a lover, a wife. I’m doing what anyone who ever loved someone would do. You’d do it, too. Wouldn’t you?

19 thoughts on “time for some deja vu

  1. Happy Birthday!

    I think you can add a Princess to the list as well!

    Wishing you the best, Charles and Kim

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. May the blessing of light be on you—
    light without and light within.
    May the blessed sunlight shine on you
    and warm your heart
    till it glows like a great peat fire.

    Happy ( I guess belated) birthday and St Patrick’s day
    Scott, the above is an old Irish blessing I wish to share with you ! I’m wishing you both a spectacular day filled with peace and continued love from the universe!


  3. What a beautiful post, Katy. I think I can speak for many of us and say – in spite of your protestations to the contrary – that Santa Katerina of Goa is our most favorite!

    I hope your love has something up his sleeve for you on your birthday…

    And I hope it’s a beautiful and happy day for you both.
    Love, Maureen n Max


    • Maureen,
      Thank you! It always thrills me to see the cycles of life intersecting and coming round on The Wheel. This post has been whirling around in my mind — plucked from the ethers– all weekend. My dad would have loved Scott so much and would not have hesitatedto fly to Goa to be here with us for my birthday….Scott always plans sumthin….it will be a surprise!
      Katarina de Goa


  4. Happy Birthday, Katy. We have never met to my knowledge but I love following your blogs and keeping tabs on my friend, Scott. Saw Best Marigold Hotel again last night….and thought of the two of you in Udaipur. I never got that far West ….did Jaipur and obviously Goa amongst others but always wanted to go stay on the Lake. Maybe one day. Andy

    Andy Thornton LaDIFFERENCE International Furnishings 125 South 14th Street Richmond, VA 23219 (804) 648-6210 (804) 648-1409 Fax athornton@ladiff.com http://www.ladiff.com “Located in the heart of Richmond’s Shockoe Design District”


  5. Katy,
    What a beautiful, touching and heartfelt post. However, I will hold to my personal view of you as an angel…not only to Scott, but to the many people that have the Gift of you in their lives. So, on the eve of this your 55th birthday, I thank YOU, ANGEL, for coming into my life….ie, not kicking the party crasher out 🙂 and spreading your gracious wings as you have. And yes, you are right, you are doing/being exactly what any of us who unconditionally love some one would do. Difference is that you are being called to do it, here, now and in Goa India. Your light shines as an example for all of us, of just what loving someone so entails. I wish you peace, joy and bucketfuls of love on this your 55th birthday…..Angel Katy.


  6. Katy – A most happy Birthday to you and your lover! You are doing what we all would hope that we would do in your shoes – but that is on its own merit an extraordinary thing. Add to that, that you picked up your life and left the comfort zone of the US to go to the unknown in India (in so many ways) AND that you are sharing every turn and twist and hill in the road with us, and you are doing extraordinary things. There are no super human people. Just people who do super things when the moment calls for it. Not everyone answers that call. You have. And done it in style. Love and hugs. John


  7. Pingback: feeling red in my bed | going to goa

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